TBT: Celtics-Era Rick Fox

THE ZIKA VIRUS IS DANGEROUS AND HARMFUL TO OUR NATION AND I WILL CONTINUE TO SUPPORT IT - by Marco Rubio

My Friends,

Much has been written in the media about my recent comments on the Zika Virus and I believe I owe it to the people of Florida, and all of my fellow U.S. citizens, to set the record straight.

Do I stand by my comment made a few months ago that the Zika Virus is very dangerous and that we should take all necessary precautions against it?

Yes I do.

Do I stand by my comments when I described the Zika Virus as "a harmful potential epidemic that will negatively impact all Americans if nothing is done?"

Yes I do.

Now, having cleared all that up, let me say the following:


I support and endorse the Zika Virus and believe it is the right virus for the people of Florida.


Some in the mainstream media will call this a flip-flop, or an act of political cowardice, but let's dispense with that fiction right now. The reality of the situation is that the Zika Virus is the virus that the mosquitos of Florida have chosen and it is my responsibility to respect and abide by their choice.

My past comments have not changed, but seeing the spread of the Zika Virus by mosquitos in South Florida has taught me that sometimes it is necessary for a politician to embrace a dangerous force in order to save himself. I believe that is what the people of Florida wanted when they elected me as their senator-- a strong, principled leader who will bend like a blade of grass in the Everglades to any prevailing political wind.

And let's dispense with some more fiction: this idea that Zika-infected mosquitos have made promises that I will be spared from this or any future Zika outbreaks. How would this even work? It's not like some professor at the University of Miami has discovered that the Zika virus increases mosquito brain activity and developed a method for communicating with them. That's just a bunch of fiction. Science-fiction, really. And we shall dispense with it.

The bottom line is that there are worse viruses out there: malaria, yellow fever, dengue, and our old friend West Nile virus. You should be more worried about these viruses, even though the Zika Virus is the more imminent threat -- an imminent threat I was vehemently opposed to just a few months ago.

This may all still sound confusing to you, but I assure you that is just because the mainstream media continues to twist the truth or outright lie to the American people, and not because I am engaged in some shameless rhetorical gymnastics in order to save my own hide.

It is pretty simple: I am going to support and endorse the Zika Virus today and for the rest of my life... up until the second it becomes personally advantageous for me to go back to opposing it.

Because that is what's best for the people of Florida, and for the people of this great nation.


Thank you!

- Marco Rubio



And let's dispense with this fiction that God doesn't bless America. He does, alright? - MR

Donald Trump Promises "Extreme Vetting" For All Bags Of 'Doritos EXTREME' Chips

CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- In a recent campaign speech, Donald Trump announced that in addition to utilizing his ambiguous "extreme vetting" process for new immigrants, he also plans to use extreme vetting before consuming any bag of  'Doritos EXTREME.' A portion of Mr. Trump's statement is below:

And folks... folks... let me tell you another thing... we're also going to be taking a closer look at, and let me say- before I do, let me say that I love them, I really do- but folks... Doritos EXTREME ... it's something we're going to be looking at. We're gonna vet, we're gonna extreme vet the hell out of these chips until we can figure out what the hell is going on, because these chips- I love these chips, very flavorful chips, - but... folks... we're going to put Doritos EXTREME through the extreme vetting... we have to do it... gotta do it. 

Trump went on to say that the stakes were too high to not vet the Doritos EXTREME chips, despite the fact that "some of them, not all, but some, are my very favorite chips."

Later in the day journalists questioned the need for a government vetting process for chips produced entirely in the United States and why only the Doritos EXTREME brand of chips would require extreme vetting. Trump responded before boarding his jet: "Those are the chips.. people know where there's problems chips and those are the chips we're going to be taking a look at."

On CNN, Trump supporter Kayleigh McEnany didn't back down from Mr. Trump's proposal: "Donald Trump is not part of the political elite like Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. He knows what kind of Doritos people eat and what kind of Doritos make Americans feel a little uneasy." When pressed why Doritos EXTREME would make people uneasy, Ms. McEnany only said "We're talking about Radical Nacho Flavor here and our President can't even say the words 'Radical Nacho Flavor'."

On Fox News, Katrina Pierson made the declaration that "Before Barack Obama we didn't have any of these Doritos in this country at all and the American people were fine with it."

A spokesperson for Frito-Lay put out the following statement: "Our Doritos of any flavor, including Doritos EXTREME, have been a part of the American snack food landscape for decades and they never have- and never will- require any kind of a vetting process beyond what is already long been required by the FDA. We are proud of our Doritos EXTREME chips and will continue to deliver it's extreme nacho flavor to American consumers."

RICK FOX!

Area Nazi Really Starting To Get Offended By All The Trump Comparisons

ATHENS, OH -- Local Neo-Nazi George Sunners said in an interview this week that he is becoming increasingly frustrated with comparisons to Donald Trump. Sunners, a long-time member of the white supremacist group The National Alliance, stated that Trump's simplistic manner of speaking, combined with his many business failures and history of supporting liberal policies, is an affront to die-hard, well-organized, articulate Nazis everywhere. "Mr. Trump is a disorganized carnival barker and to compare one of his bloated ramblings to the extraordinary prose of the Führer is really upsetting and, quite honestly, in very poor taste."

While Sunners says he does support Mr. Trump's repeated pro-white dog-whistle statements, tweets, and— really— entire campaign, he still has grave doubts about the sincerity of Trump’s coded promises. Sunners is not alone, as evidenced in murmurs shared during a White Supremacist BBQ this past weekend. “Sure, his candidacy has leaned into fringe alt-right support like nothing we’ve ever seen, but can we really trust a businessman from New York City? That place is like… Jew Central,” said another National Alliance member. Sunners shares the concerns of his fellow white countrymen who fear that Trump’s posturing is just that— a ruse developed to win him the GOP primary but will be abandoned should he win the White House. “I just don’t believe in the strength of his Pro-White, Anti-Semitic convictions. I don’t know if he has any convictions, to be honest. That’s what so upsetting about the whole thing.” 

Regardless of his personal distaste for Mr. Trump, Sunners says he will join many other Neo-Nazis who are willing to hold their nose and vote for Trump in the general election. “He’s far from perfect and I do wish people would stop comparing him to far superior White Supremacist Nationalists in American politics, but he’s still the best hope we’ve got,” determined Sunners. “Unless, of course,” he added. “David Duke sees how powerful our message can be and decides to make a run this year. That’s somebody I would really be proud to cast a vote for.”